ON THE PROPER KIND OF SELFISHNESS
The first thing I want you to
understand, if you really want to wake up, is that you don’t want to wake up.
The first step to waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that
you don’t like it. You don’t want to be happy. Want a little test? Let’s try
it. It will take you exactly one minute. You could close your eyes while you’re
doing it or you could keep them open. It doesn’t really matter. Think of
someone you love very much, someone you’re close to, someone who is precious to
you, and say to that person in your mind, “I’d rather have happiness than have
you.” See what happens. “I’d rather be happy than have you. If I had a choice,
no question about it, I’d choose happiness.” How many of you felt selfish when
you said this? Many, it seems. See how we’ve been brainwashed? See how we’ve
been brainwashed into thinking, “How could I be so selfish?” But look at who’s
being selfish. Imagine somebody saying to you, “How could you be so
selfish that you’d choose happiness over me?” Would you not feel like
responding, “Pardon me, but how could you be so selfish that you would
demand I choose you above my own happiness?!”
A woman once told me that when she
was a child her Jesuit cousin gave a retreat in the Jesuit church in Milwaukee.
He opened each conference with the words: “The test of love is sacrifice, and
the gauge of love is unselfishness.” That’s marvelous! I asked her, “Would you
want me to love you at the cost of my happiness?” “Yes,” she answered. Isn’t
that delightful? Wouldn’t that be wonderful? She would love me at the
cost of her happiness and I would love her at the cost of my happiness,
and so you’ve got two unhappy people, but long live love!
- Anthony deMello SJ
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